After my holiday last week I am full of the back to work blues and was looking to cheer myself up when I came across these 2 tech stories which made me chuckle!

Bill Gates Goes to Heaven

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. 

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." 

Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?" 

St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision." 

"Fine, but where should I go first?" 

"I'll leave that up to you." 

"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased. 

"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I really want to see heaven!" 

"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. 

"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter. 

"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire." 

So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons. 

"How's everything going?" he asked Bill. 

Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "this is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!??? 

"That was a demo," replied St. Peter.

MICROSOFT VERSUS APPLE

Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft employees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft employees each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket. 

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft employee. 

"Watch and you'll see," answers the Apple engineer. 

They all board the train. The Microsoft employees take their respective seats, but all three Apple engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. 

The Microsoft employees saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Microsoft employees decide to copy the Apple engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Apple engineers don't buy a ticket at all. 

"How are you going to travel without a ticket" says one perplexed Microsoft employee. 

"Watch and you'll see," answers an Apple engineer. 

When they board the train the three Microsoft employees cram into a restroom and the three Apple engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Apple engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Microsoft employees are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please"...